The other day I had an idea. That night, the idea came to fruition as I knocked up this short story. Now, here it is for your reading enjoyment. I do hope you like it. Warning – the following story contains adult sweary words from the outset. The first word is ‘fuck’. If this offends you, then I have already offended you by saying ‘fuck’ in this introduction – so you may as well keep reading.
Fuck! Ow! Jesus fuck that’s really…
Woah that’s bright. Oh man. The blinds are closed, why is the light so fuckin’ bright?
Shit fuck me. Ow! Jesus! Why does my whole body hurt? Everything, I can feel everything. Burning, aching. What happened to me? Where am I? I think this is our room…Clara! Where’s Clara?
Oh, wow, moving is even worse. Really. What happened to me? I’ve never felt like this before. Sure I’ve broken a few bones and been in a few fights, but this is a whole new level.
And what’s that smell?
God. I want to throw up. I can feel it in the back of my throat. That need to just wretch. But nothing. Man I’m hungry. When did I last eat? And my mouth, it feels so dry…but I’m not thirsty. This isn’t right.
My body feels as though it’s moving independently of me. I vaguely know I want to move and it just does it. Suppose I should be grateful I can move at all feeling like this – even if it is slowly. It’s like I’m drunk or something. Am I drunk? Sure have that kind of ‘out of body’ feeling. As though I don’t quite know what it’s gonna do, just let it do it’s think as I stagger along.
Did I just hit something? Why didn’t that hurt? I mean everything hurts. But I didn’t feel that. Come to think of it…I feel nothing. Nothing outside me. It’s like the worse kind of pins and needles. Everything is so dull. I know that’s carpet beneath my feet, even if I can’t quite see it yet thanks to all this light. But I can’t feel it’s comforting coarseness. That ‘home’ feeling when you slip off your shoes and socks after long days work. Nothing.
This isn’t right.
And what’s that smell? It, it smells…delicious. Wow now that’s more like it. I need to find it. Whatever it is. It smells so good.
Man I’m hungry.
Wow, did I just bang my shoulder against the doorframe? I think it was the doorframe. I’ve lived here long enough, made enough midnight trips to the bathroom – in the middle of the night, in complete darkness – to know where the door is. And again I felt nothing, just the movement sending me off balance. What’s wrong with me? Sure wish I was drunk. Or hungover. Anything but this.
At least I’m getting used to the pain.
Fuck. Ow! No. Maybe not.
What’s that noise? Is it me? Is that me groaning? Shit I barely noticed. My ears are ringing too, can barely pick out anything else. Just the odd noise here and there. It’s hard to tell exactly where here and there is though. Man, maybe I shouldn’t be up? Maybe I should just wait for Clara? Where is Clara? But that smell…
Ha. Ok now I can see a bit more. And I can just about see how badly I’m walking. Wow. If someone could see me now – they’d think I was so freakin’ drunk. I’m surprised I can stand. Shuffling along, bouncing off things. Maybe they put me on some medication after the fight…oh wow…the fight…did that happen? I think…I think it did. Again, one of those drunk things. You know something did happen, you feel something happened, but you can’t for the life of you remember what. I have a hazy recollection of fists flying…blood…screams…damn. What happened? Where’s Clara?
Mmmm that smell…I think it’s coming from downstai…
Did I just fall down the stairs? I mean, I’m on the floor and that looks like the stairs up there…yeah it is. Ha. Holy crap! No way! I just fell down the freakin stairs and didn’t feel a thing. Or break anything. Did I break something? Fuck if I know! My body is in so much pain, I guess it’s overriding any new pain.
What’s that? I think I heard something. Shit, what was that? And that smell…it’s almost overpowering now. I need it!
There’s something there.
Moving ahead of me.
Just. It…it…it looks like…
Clara! Oh my god! Clara it’s you! Man I’ve never been so happy to see…wait…why aren’t I speaking? Clara? Clara! SAY SOMETHING DAMNIT. JUST SAY HER NAME! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?
And why is she just standing there? Why doesn’t she help me up? It’s not as if this is easy Clara. You could just give me a hand. Hold me.
Why aren’t you helping me?
Why are you just standing there?
Why aren’t you talk…wait…you are.
Why can’t I hear you?
Why can’t I understand you?
What are you saying?
I’m coming closer. I’m coming to you Clara.
Oh wow…that smell…it’s coming from you. Clara…why do you smell so good? Mmm I need to be closer. My body knows it too. Wow, that’s the fastest I’ve moved so far. Standing up was a doddle. Maybe I was just groggy? I’m coming to you Clara. We don’t need to speak. I just need to hold you and see your…your face. There it is, I can see it now. So beautiful. I love that your hair is a mess, you always look so cute like that. But…but why don’t I think you look cute? I’m just staring at you, I’m not looking at you. I know it’s you. I know you’re there. But nothing, I feel nothing. No. This can’t be right. You’re Clara. I love you. I love that face. Every line. Every freckle. Every flaw. I’ve been so close to it all these years and never grown tired…why now. What’s wrong with me? And that smell…oh yes that smell. I’m so hungry!
Why are you backing away Clara? Why don’t you come to me. It’s me. Jake. I’m here. Your husband. Come here. Come to me. What’s wrong?
That look on your face. I feel I should recognise what it means. But nothing. WHY AM I FEELING NOTHING?
Fuck…that smell. I need it.
Shit. Clara. You fell. Are you ok? Here let me take your han…
Oh god. WHAT THE FUCK? I just bit her hand! Jesus Jake. What the fuck? Oh god it tastes so good. Oh god what’s wrong with me? Jake no! Stop it! What the fuck are you doing? Stop biting her. SHE’S YOUR WIFE.
I know she’s struggling. My weight is pinning her down. I know she’s hitting me. I feel nothing. I can’t stop. I want to stop. My body won’t let me. It tastes so good. Clawing at her. Biting her. I know it’s you darling. I could imagine the horror. If I knew what horror was anymore. I feel nothing. I don’t want to do this. I love you. I can’t help myself. Oh god the taste! The taste! I’m so hungry.
I need this.
I don’t know when she stops moving. I don’t care. I don’t know how long I’m there, over her body, consuming everything. I don’t care.
I know what sorry is. But I don’t feel it. I know I’d want to say it. But I can’t What remains of you…isn’t you. You weren’t ever you. You were the smell. The taste. Oh the taste…the smell.
That smell. It’s back. It’s near. It’s outside.
I need to get outside.
I don’t even look back. I just stagger to my feet, covered in your blood. Slowly making my way to the door, fumbling at the handle. The pain, that smell, the hunger, it’s all I think about….
Shit…how do you open a door again?